is that a plank in my eye?

” the time to make up your mind about people is.. never “

-the philadephia story

the question is

.trees

i think that i shall never see
a poem lovely as a tree.
a tree whose hungry mouth is prest
against the earth’s sweet flowing breast;
a tree that looks at God all day,
and lifts her leafy arms to pray;
a tree that may in summer wear
a nest of robins in her hair;
upon whose bosom snow has lain;
who intimately lives with rain.
poems are made by fools like me,
but only God can make a tree.

by Joyce Kilmer

clench

dear somebody or everybody,

clench.

is responsibility is a labor of love..?

i have been seriously, sweating over this question for a bit now.
it’s hard, and my head and chest hurt when i think about it too much..
it makes me not want to write anymore, because in itself, encompasses some difficult, lonely and painful times in life..
it makes me want to hole up in a house in the woods and write forever, in the quest to find words which express the blessings and relationships i’ve seen formed and been part of, some of the most beautiful times in life (subsequently shouting from rooftops, the words, once impossibly found)..
those may all sound contradictory to one another, but the craziest thing is that, most times, it makes me feel all of these things, simultaneously.
though the above is the reaction my brain and heart naturally have when faced with this question, i’m also innately as certain the answer is not found in ceasing to talk or write, nor by hiding in cabins trying to find the words.. but rather those are the last places it will be found.

well then, where? and is honesty ever not love’s response? what about when it’s honesty through gritted teeth?

and is there a difference between being dishonest and being restrained? where God commands you to be (restrained), that one is not a question- i’m living this one (aren’t we all?), and it’s hard, but there is a difference.

but the place that makes me sweat most, that at times clenches, ties my heart in knots only to release and tighten again, is also the same place i find peace- it also is not a question-

responsibility is a labor of love. Love.

doing the ‘right thing’ can often be hard. but isn’t our duty, to be responsible with each other’s hearts? and in that sentence alone, doesn’t it make it easier, to know you are loving (action verb, loving) despite yourSELF? okay, maybe not always easier, but infinitely, simpler. and there is an absolute joy found in that.

when i am speechless, when i don’t know what else to do or say..sometimes before, and sometimes after all is ’said and done’.. these tom petty lyrics jump to mind:

And hey now babe, what can not do?
What am I goin’ to do, but trust you?
The rest of my nights, the rest of my days
What can I do but love you, babe?

“..what am i goin’ to do, but trust You?”
“..what can i do, but love You?”

oh yes.

unclench.

Matt 22:36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’
38 “This is the first and great commandment.
39 “And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
40 “On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

the Bible verses above are the reason why that particular tom petty song comes to mind. they help me gain ‘despite mySELF’ perspective, Jesus’ words, of course, but also the posted lyrics..when i know i need to make a difficult decision, usually that decision simply being the one to be obedient to what God has spoken (note i used the word simple here, not easy!!).
maybe this is me, silly and raving, sharing things that ought to stay in my non-journal, but i write my questions here, for the purpose of perhaps somebody/slash/everybody else out there has some similar..

..do you?
..what are they?
..what do you do with them?

peace, grace,
love n’ stuff,
ruby

bloom

if you love something, and God says set it free..
then be joyful and let go!

who knows?

“But where can wisdom be found?
Where does understanding dwell?
Man does not comprehend its worth;
it cannot be found in the land of the living.
The deep says, ‘It is not in me’;
the sea says, ‘It is not with me.’
It cannot be bought with the finest gold,
nor can its price be weighed in silver.
It cannot be bought with the gold of Ophir,
with precious onyx or sapphires.
Neither gold nor crystal can compare with it,
nor can it be had for jewels of gold.
Coral and jasper are not worthy of mention;
the price of wisdom is beyond rubies.
The topaz of Cush cannot compare with it;
it cannot be bought with pure gold.
“Where then does wisdom come from?
Where does understanding dwell?
It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing,
concealed even from the birds of the air.
Destruction and Death say,
‘Only a rumor of it has reached our ears.’
God understands the way to it
and he alone knows where it dwells,
for he views the ends of the earth
and sees everything under the heavens.
When he established the force of the wind
and measured out the waters,
when he made a decree for the rain
and a path for the thunderstorm,
then he looked at wisdom and appraised it;
he confirmed it and tested it.
And he said to man,
‘The fear of the Lord-that is wisdom,
and to shun evil is understanding.’ “

-Job 28:12-28

so, who knows?
make that a capital “Who”, and lose the question mark-
“Who knows.”

Amen.

chisme & last pages

Gen 1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good;
and God divided the light from the darkness.

some days

just keep reading The Word

&

don’t forget to breathe

we are free

thank you, Jesus.

do you ever wish..

..you could speak in italics? or better yet, bold italic wingdings, yah!

because.. i do.

man, that would be cool.

wait, does this make me a nerd?